
Shitty blogs have a predictable, linear model of maturity. This one has come to the point where it needs a Facebook page, so I expect all of you connoisseurs of shitty writing to go “Like” it.

Shitty blogs have a predictable, linear model of maturity. This one has come to the point where it needs a Facebook page, so I expect all of you connoisseurs of shitty writing to go “Like” it.
I did the “show” solo today and mainly talked about my vacation plans. (By the time you’re reading this, I’m either chilling at the lake or dead.)
Nah, actually I mainly talked about Infiniti’s recent changes in advertising.
Let’s take a minute and make sure that we’re being honest with ourselves.
Hypothetically, if we asked United States citizens if they would rather have a relaxing trip to the spa or spend a day powersliding around urban areas, which would be more popular?
(That was a rhetorical question, so shut up.)
The former! Obviously!
The truth is that the majority of people looking to buy a luxury sedan or coupe aren’t 17 year old males.
You know what? I like this explanation better: Infiniti’s ad department is full of masochists trying to intentionally jeopardize the future of their company and their jobs through almost parody-like advertising.
Ok! Now I’ll actually get to what I’m talking about.
First, we see a couple doing the whole “spa” thing (which I obviously know nothing about as a 17-year-old heterosexual male) in a 2011 Lexus GS series. Apparently this is a bad thing?
The GS is a luxury sedan, you know. It’s supposed to be a comfortable experience. What they’re doing actually looks appealing. I’d do that if I had a GS series. (Again, remembering that I like women.)
And then…
BAM!
“I’m an Infiniti G series and I’m ANGRY! Look at how much testosterone I have! And how much rubber I can burn! All in a populated urban area too! YEAH!”
Who’s your target audience Infiniti?!
Who!?
What kind of luxury car buyer would be drawn in by this shit? No one!

Except this guy, the only person cool enough to comment on this video.
I think it’s time Infiniti’s employees see a therapist.
Us drivers of cars with manual transmissions tend to look down on those who drive automatics. It’s like an exclusive club. Only the extremely talented, gorgeous-looking, and legendary athletes of yore are allowed in.
Well, that’s bullshit. So those of you that know the “standard” can keep your mouths shut and bask in the quiet satisfaction that you’re saving the planet.
The truth is, for those of you that don’t know, driving “stick” is totally simple. Once you understand the basic concepts of how the transmission and clutch work together, you can figure it out with no real instruction at all. So with that in mind, I’d like to tell you that automatic transmissions just….suck. Really.
Mind you, I’m not talking about Dual-Clutch Transmissions, SMGs (Sequential Manual Gearboxes,) or any of that fancy stuff that has only recently become somewhat popular in the mainstream (affordable) auto market. I’m talking about automatics with a torque converter, that magically inefficient device that has carried America’s laziness in driving for the last 50 years.
Now before I go on, I suppose I owe you a technical explanation. Let’s start with the basics. First off, a transmission is the device that separates the engine from the wheels. With both automatic and manual transmissions, “gears” are used to vary the ratio between the engine’s crankshaft and the drive shaft going to the wheels. It’s essentially a buffer between the engine’s relative consistency and the inconsistent world that you drive in.
But that’s not quite all there is.
Traditional transmissions require an interruption in power from the engine to shift these “gears,” and to come to a stop at a traffic light, in your driveway, or on the side of the highway to pick up a hooker. In manuals, this is typically accomplished with a clutch, a device that could most simply be explained as two plates that are pressed together to couple, and brought apart to become independent. A clutch is normally coupled, it’s when the clutch petal is pushed in that the plates separate, and the transmission is isolated from the engine. Automatic transmissions use a type of fluid coupling to accomplish the same task, called a torque converter.
The advantage of the latter is that, when paired with an automatic transmission, the driver only requires one input to get the car moving and vary its velocity, and that is the accelerator pedal. A manual transmission requires three inputs, on the other hand. (Accelerator pedal, clutch, and gearshift.) In my mind, the torque converter has some huge disadvantages in a world where millions are spent to save 20 lbs. on one car design.
Have you ever noticed that cars equipped with manuals are usually noticeably more fuel efficient than their automatic counterparts? Some of that could be attributed to the greater control that comes with manuals, but most of it is from the torque converter’s main design flaw. A clutch can be completely disengaged and completely engaged. So, with a healthy vehicle, there is 0% of the engine’s power moving to the transmission when the clutch pedal is depressed fully. Likewise when the clutch pedal is allowed completely out, the clutch essentially becomes a shaft, and 100% of the engine’s power is being fed to the transmission.
A torque converter couples via fluid, however, meaning there is never a solid mechanical connection between the engine and the transmission. (Unless the transmission is equipped with a lock-up clutch, which is essentially a clutch that locks the torque converter mechanically when it is no longer required to dump the engine’s energy into friction. These are becoming more and more common, but the majority of vehicles on the road are missing them.) This means that a traditional torque converter is never 100% efficient.
Also, a torque converter is never completely disengaged. When sitting at a traffic light, the driver typically lightly applies the brakes to hold the car from moving forward. Have you ever considered what you’re doing? The engine is basically dumping energy into the torque converter in the form of friction. It is literally no different from holding the gas and the brakes at the same time.
What the hell? How is that accepted in a world where Al Gore and Prius’s exist?
Oh wait! As United States citizens, we’re lazy as shit!
84% of cars sold in North America are equipped with an automatic transmission, as opposed to 20% in Europe.
You could make the excuse that we love automatics because of all our stop-and-go traffic, and yet, as a citizen of the Midwestern U.S, I see automatics MUCH more often than I see traffic congestion.
The real answer is that we just don’t want to bother with a clutch pedal and a gearshift when we could be texting or doing makeup.
Luckily, the great minds of our time have come up with solutions that adapt to us so that we don’t have to adapt to them. (As always.) Probably the simplest is the aforementioned “lock-up clutch,” which eliminates the inefficiency of the torque converter by mechanically coupling at high speed. But that doesn’t exactly solve the problem of sitting over a nice gas to friction converter at traffic lights.
Well here’s a tip. When you stop at a traffic light, bump your shift lever one up into neutral. It shouldn’t require that you hold a safety button to go back and forth between Drive and Neutral. This prevents that unnecessary friction. Combine that with a lockup clutch, and you’re basically driving a manual!……Except without the enjoyment.
You could call this a rant on one of the most successful inventions the modern automobile has ever seen….because it is. And I doubt you’ll hear anyone else complain about it. But there really are flaws in the design that I wish consumers would figure out. Before all this hybridism, eco-mindedness, and hippie-crazed green malarkey, maybe we should eliminate the evil energy-wasting beast that is the torque converter.
All too often, I talk about the importance of a car manufacturer’s attitude toward its customers. Well…when it’s said like that, it seems pretty obvious.
In these discussions, I usually group car makers into one of two groups; those who put as little effort/money into their product and then try to get the maximum amount of profit from it, and those who put in as much effort/money into the quality of each product as they can afford. It appears that the latter always incurs a better outcome for both the producer and the customer.
The recent past has been absolute hell for our own domestic Detroit monkeys. It was hopeless! Their misunderstanding seemed never ending.

Hopeless to everyone but Kaleb, that is. He believes that “chicks dig Taurus’s.”
Most of my information came from “Chrysler’s Comeback,” an article written by Angus Mackenzie in the February 2011 edition of Motor Trend Magazine. As usual, top quality stuff. You should check it out.
I agree with Mackenzie in his opinion that it’s Chrysler’s new management carrying the bacon and bringing new hope. Quotes like this one practically give me goosebumps;
“If you take a Chrysler and make it fun to drive, with European handling and absolutely over-the-top quality, you easily get a Lancia. Which is good news for the American consumer, by the way.”
No kidding.
That one comes from Oliver Francois, the CEO of both Chrysler and Lancia.
Conveniently, he couldn’t have reinforced my opinions on “attitude” in a more direct way. Mackenzie seems to attribute these changes to the new management’s relative youth compared with their predecessors.
I think my sister’s 90s Dodge Grand Caravan stranding us both several times as a toddler has caused an evolutionary process to occur in my body, in which all Chrysler products immediately bring distaste.

“Hot, yes. But not a suitable mate. I have a gut feeling that it may leave me to fend for myself against the highway predators in the near future.”
Or, is it really just me? “Dodge” is practically damning when used around most of my friends. Is the media the root cause of that? Well….that’s a discussion for another time.
My point is that fresh people tend to bring fresh ideas, and it seems that Detroit’s favorite wimpy kid is bringing it to the bullies with some great ideas from middle-aged men.
I talk about editing, Eric Bana’s documentary (link,) Mad Max, and “unhindered creativity” on YouTube.
Last Friday, Kaleb and I vlogged some around town before visiting our local Nissan dealership to talk about the Cube. It has rear drum brakes, which probably bothered me more than it should have. (It actually gave me goosebumps.) Regardless, this video can’t be described as total bashing because Kaleb actually likes Mini MPVs, including the Cube and the Scion xD.
Apparently this is a thing? French dudes getting hot little FWD French hatchbacks around the Nürburgring fast enough to shame an NSX?

“Is someone going to change my diaper, or what?”
Laurent Hurgon is now the fastest man to drive a fratmobile around the hellish track, submitting a time of 8:08 in a Mégane Renaultsport 265 Trophy. In other words, that is the new record for a front-wheel-drive car around the track, with the previous record being 8:17 (also set by a Renault.)
The fastest a Honda NSX Type-R has ever made it ‘round is 8:09….
But anyway!
The Trophy is powered by a 2.0 Liter turbocharged inline-four, producing 265 hp. and 265 lb-ft. of torque.
Side note: Where in the hell did they get that name from?
The car tips the scales at 2909 pounds, and manages 0-60 km/hr. in 6 seconds flat.
I should probably explain that all my kidding is unnecessary. The time is amazing, and any old blogger would have to admit the Renault is quick. But I’ve never been the biggest fan of building cars JUST to set times around a 13 mile track, even if they are supposedly “factory spec.”

The French car with the complicated French name (left) next to a 2011 Honda CRZ (right.) Maybe I’m just blind? (No Nickelback references.) Or stupid? I still say the CRZ is more attractive though. At least it won’t smell all the time.
Well, ladies and gentlemen, my week has once again been ruined. I was doing so well, what with finding out that Jeremy Clarkson plays Gran Turismo and likes the Honda NSX.
And then I saw this.

No, don’t doubt yourself, that is THE worst thing you have ever seen. It’s the 2012 Chevrolet Camaro Transformers 3 Special Edition.
Although I have yet to confirm it, (because frankly, I don’t give a shit,) it is believed that the appearance of the Camaro in Bay’s bullshit franchise has boosted its sales beyond that of the 2010 Ford Mustang. Which is complete cock. The Mustang is so much more car. Coming within an eye’s blink of coming even with a BMW M3 around Leguna Seca is a huge feat. That event changed the public’s perspective of modern American cars.
And you could say that for this Camaro, too. Except Europe’s thoughts of “damn, something good actually came out of America” have now been replaced with something to the tune of “Oh my god, why did we fight for THAT?”
So there you go, all you intelligent people had better be facepalming all the way down to your Ford dealership to pick up a real car. Or hell, I don’t care which dealership. Just stay away from Chevrolet and Transformers 3.
(And don’t give me shit about you not being intelligent either. You’re reading my blog, so obviously you are.)
It turns out that Top Gear’s Jeremy Clarkson, one of my favorite people on Earth, actually plays Gran Turismo (the best driving simulator on Earth,) and actually likes the Honda/Acura NSX (by far the greatest automobile ever driven on this Earth.)
So essentially, unless you’re an extra-terrestrial, this is about as good as things get.
In the video, he’s shown driving a standard (non-Type-R) NSX around Leguna Seca in Gran Turismo 4. After setting a lap time, he proceeds to travel to the actual track in California, and shows us what the situation (real car included,) would be like in real life.
The fact that he too loves the angelic grinding noise that the NSX’s V6 makes at 7000 rpm, and that he plays a game that has been one of my great loves made my week.
Our friend Joe joins Kaleb and I for an afternoon of swimming, fast food, and shitty uninformed opinions. I drive Kaleb around in his 2004 Toyota Corolla S, and he goes into cardiac arrest at 15 mph. First thoughts on the GRMN Concept II. Oh! And we figured out what the “S” badge really means on the Corolla.
Kaleb (@that_PHat_MAN) and I visit a local Honda dealership and share some opinions about the CRZ, the new “Sport Hybrid Hatchback." Turns out, it’s actually pretty awesome. In fact, both of us would have sexual intercourse with it. Which is a good thing.