Author: David Blue

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    Daily writing prompt
    When do you feel most productive?
  • The Aztek Conspiracy

    Picture a time when Cher’s “Believe” was the number one single in the United States. While everyone else was readying for the new century, General Motors was trying to figure out a way to kill its luxury-sport brand, Pontiac. In a secret war on quality, they simply couldn’t just stop building them. Too much tedious explanation to the unions. They needed a plan to kill the name off cleanly and quietly. Enter the Aztek.

    Unveiled at the Detroit Auto Show as a 2001 model, it was GM’s first foray into the still-infantile crossover market. It was targeting toward “the younger generation,” and required a mile-long options list including strange, outdoorsy things like an integrated tent, cooler center console, and tailgating accessories. In other words, anything a Subaru owner/road cycling enthusiast dreams of at night. As it turns out, the Aztek hit the nail right on the part that is hit with a hammer on a nail. It was even endorsed by J.D. Power and Associates. Of course…there was a massive problem. The thing looked horrible.

    Subaru owners frantically throwing their keys at Pontiac salesmen 

    The original 1999 concept was really an early embodiment of what all crossovers strive to be. Unfortunately, some very bad design decisions led to the actual production car looking as if it had facial reconstruction surgery performed by an intoxicated man off the street. While most would have you believe it was simply a chain of mistakes that led to the looks, I think differently.

    This was the peak of GM’s anti-customer mentality. The quality, reliability and durability of their products sank to their lowest trough in the four years the Aztek was produced. Oddly enough, it seemed to be exempt from all the negatives. It was reliable, relatively well-made, and quite durable. There is still a large enough number tearing about the midwestern United States that I have to cope with at least two or three sightings daily. And that was exactly their goal. Not only was the Aztek the weapon that murdered Pontiac, its existence is an act of revenge against the public by GM.

    Two functions then, both accomplished. One can only imagine how many sighs, feelings of disgust, baby cries, etc that mutilated face has elicited over the years.

    Someone even had the audacity to decide on the Aztek as the official pace car for the 2001 Daytona 500. Don’t look it up….you’ll vomit.

  • Honda – From Trendsetters to Just Another Car Company

    The 1990s. Not the greatest time for the United States auto industry. In those days, with a few exceptions, American cars were all overpriced, devoid of quality and generally unreliable. The big three (along with many other non-automotive related corporations in the U.S.) had an aging generation of management. This group decided that the ideal way to run their business involved expending the least amount of effort into their products as possible, without reducing the price paid by customers. Essentially, they hoped to gain more profit from less product. I don’t have to tell you that this thinking just…doesn’t work.

    I would theorize that this mentality came from overconfidence and a lack of joy in production. GM, Ford, and Dodge had been the top sellers of the automobile in the United States since its invention. They originally symbolized the best in quality, luxury and performance. Consumer and producer shared the same values, resulting in a flourishing market. It was a joyous time. And then, somewhere around the 1973 oil crisis, the joy began seeping out of our star shooters. Maybe it was emissions regulations, a loss of those ideal values, or some other factor. Regardless of the source, our homegrown auto industry lost its passion. It reflected in the cars that were built. Designs were reused, progression was halted, the irreverence of quality workmanship lost. “American dependability” became an ironic statement.

    And then came along a company that had been building little, noisy two-stroke engines to fit to bicycles only four decades earlier, proudly displaying a banner the changing public couldn’t refuse. They offered a product that was simple, honest, reliable, durable and reasonably priced. A concoction that smelled an awful lot like high value. An odor that no doubt brought back old memories. The Accord, suburban America’s new family pet. And the Civic, conveniently debuted in 1972. The college student’s greatest companion. Both were conservatively styled and equipped, and thus quite easily ignored, which was exactly what the country wanted. After all those years stranded on the shoulders of our aging interstate system in lumbering, underpowered beasts, the indestructible and dependable qualities of the Hondas came as a breath of fresh air.

    So. What made the newcomers so different? What was the driving force behind the value of the products? It was something not unknown to the Americans, and its presence had been sorely missed. Picture an ancient sage by the name of Soichiro Honda saying something to the order of “Lets build the best automobile we can and sell it for as little as possible.” Though the man is more a symbol than an actual influence on the four-wheeled endeavors of the institution bearing his name, he represents what led to the same group’s success. Honda was untainted by an unrealistic attitude, and unaided by a century of heritage and good reputation. They succeeded only because they built good cars.

    By 2008, Honda had more than made a name for itself. Over the past decade, though, the prices had been steadily increasing, along with the level of luxury and complexity available in their cars. Both the Accord and Civic were bestsellers in their respective classes, and had held their titles for a relatively long time. It was then that I personally theorized they might take the same path American carmakers had taken only a short while before. I don’t want to brag, but this was long before Ron Kiino’s bold title “Is Hyundai the new Honda?” graced the pages of MotorTrend’s October 2011 issue. And it was really a far-fetched notion at the time. Simply a suspicion.

    Confidently and stubbornly, the Accord held its grip on mid-size sedan sales in the United States, complimented by the Toyota Camry, a similar-looking but even more ignorable competitor. The former still held appeal for someone with the capacity to enjoy themselves. The latter, however, has always been the most desirable choice of individuals that absolutely despise driving. They both held their slightly different niches, with no real fear of losing their place. Then, Honda started skimping a bit on quality. Motoring journalists noticed a lack of improving fuel economy, aging transmissions, and a general loss in competitive edge in the 2011 Accord. Not the best time to start slacking on Honda’s part.

    This was the year that Hyundai unveiled the brilliantly-updated 6th generation Sonata. I consider this to be the most significant car to come in the mid-sized segment since the birth of the Accord/Camry duo. In previous generations, it had always been competitively priced. The quality, though, had been lacking. The Koreans were not afraid to design a car that was much less conservative than the two Japanese giants. However, the designs were never really all that great looking. Interesting and different? Yes. Attractive?….No. So these attributes kept Honda and Toyota secure under their cozy comforter of sales, not intimidated by Hyundai’s offering. And that’s quite understandable. The Sonata never really seemed a direct competitor to the giants.

    The new one, however, completely changed the game. For one thing, it’s gorgeous. Not conservatively pretty, but ridiculous, in the best sort of way. Poised and angular, the exterior looks as if it should cost exponentially more than it does. They managed to carry on the Sonata’s tradition of unique styling by rejecting the old car completely and replacing it with a stunner. The interior reflects a similar attitude. It’s not only good looking, but significantly more fuel efficient than any other mid-sized car on the market. The drivetrain options are excellent. The best part, though, is the price. At a starting MSRP of 19,195 USD, it is several thousand less than any competitor.

    All of this really just makes the Accord and Camry look silly. It’s interesting that Hyundai should take up Honda’s original niche, given how different their backgrounds are. Our original hero of practicality was created by a man tinkering with small motorcycles. The former, however, was founded as a massive construction firm, only later trying its hand in the realm of automobiles. Cars seemed an alternative for Hyundai, but certainly not an afterthought. Regardless of where they came from, these two companies have had very similar philosophies, if only separated by time. Also, both have had to rely on sheer ingenuity for profit, without the foothold of heritage in the American market.

    It could be said, though, that Hyundai is doing a bit better. High value cars that are practical and interesting as an experience. Honda could never get that last bit quite right. Or perhaps it’s just a sign of the times. Maybe Americans have overcome the compulsion to ignore our cars. My question is this; Has this flip-flop in production attitude become a cycle? And if so, who will be in the hot spot next? My bet is on the big three, believe it or not. A new generation of management has brought about a huge improvement in our products. It could even be one of the rising Chinese companies in the future. Who knows?

    I can tell you that right now, though, Hyundai has got the goods.

  • Driven: 2013 Mazda MX-5

    I recently had the chance to drive the facelifted 2013 Mazda MX-5. This is the first time the looks of the perky roadster have changed since the front-mounted smile became an all-out grin of insanity in 2008. They have once again dulled it to what I would call a smirk. The new front end blends with the rest of car more than it has in the past. It seems to have grown a bit more serious. In fact, with black 17-inch alloys on a glossy black (creatively called “Brilliant Black,”) this example is the most aggressive-looking of any Miata I have seen. That’s not to say it’s aggressive in the slightest, even in such a scheme. This car is in the “Club” trim replacing the previous “Touring” designation as the top-of-the-line option. This selection adds ridiculous three-leaf clover side badges, red stitching on the seats, red stripes on the dash and sides, along with a price tag very near 30,000 USD.

    So I present you with my first problem with this particular car….it’s a contradiction. The MX-5 was never intended to look serious. That grin was there to convey the primary attribute aspired to by its creators; joy. It’s designed to be joyful in driving and the exterior of previous generations did a good job of communicating what the car is all about. Unfortunately, it seems they have decided that it’s time for the roadster to grow up. Frankly, that’s not going to work.

    Now, to the drive.

    For this year, the car has been lightened, the braking response quickened, as well as the throttle response in manual-equipped cars. Unfortunately, I was only able to drive the 6-speed automatic with optional pattle-shifters. Given that this is my first drive in an NC (third generation) MX-5, I can only compare it to my own NB.

    Immediately, my passenger and chaperon, Perry Cunningham of Joe Machens Mitsubishi/Fiat starts the process of opening the optional retractable hard top. Open air is this car’s natural environment, and it appears that somebody got busy making sure its occupants never notice. Wind buffeting has been drastically reduced. Perry and I were able to maintain conversation beyond 70mph without necessitating shouting thanks to a much taller wind brake behind our seats. Unfortunately, I couldn’t really hear much of anything from the 158-hp 2.0L 4 up front, even with liberal amounts of right foot burying. It would seem the optional dual exhaust outlets are rather pointless then.

    Getting in the car, I had expected the experience to be ruined by the 6-speed auto. Buying a Miata with an automatic is sort of like going on a scenic vacation without a camera. It doesn’t necessarily ruin the immediate experience but you’ll always have some regret regarding the subject in the future. The pattles add some of the fun back in, but I prefer the Golf GTI’s arrangement of right side-shift up, left side-shift down, while the MX-5 has both functions on either side of the wheel. It took some deliberate self-coaching to get used to, but it won’t effect your daily driving experience. Another plus; when in manual shift mode, it is truly manual, meaning the transmission will allow you to exceed the redline. It may sound trivial, but being nannied when you’re first told that you’re in control can be a major annoyance. (Looking at you, Kia Forte.) It’s disappointing that Mazda chose only to up throttle response in manual-equipped cars. This one most certainly needed it.

    The original Miata was built on a philosophy of communication between driver and machine, summarized in the Japanese phrase “Jinba Ittai,” meaning “rider and horse are one.” Being an MX-5 owner, this philosophy is very important to me, thus my expectations for the steering were very high. It was very disappointing, then, to discover that it has been very nearly ruined. The leather-wrapped steering wheel was comfortable, yes, but not very generous in revealing the road. In corners it felt jumpy, imprecise, and unsure of itself. The same lack of self-confidence was noticeable in a straight line as well, along with a nervous fidget. Keep in mind, I am comparing this to roadsters of the past, not to other automobiles currently on the market. It would take a global nuclear war to make the MX-5 less fun to drive than a Toyota Camry.

    Though it has lost communication and soul, the Miata has gained a more comfortable suspension and oodles of storage space. The trunk is massive for a roadster of this size, and the example I drove was equipped with an optional storage compartment extending behind the seats, especially handy for CDs, candy, and the like. The center console contains two reasonably-sized cupholders obscured by a sliding door that will inevitably lead to annoyance in single-drink occasions. Mr. Cunningham also pointed out to me that the track on which the door slides appears vulnerable to crumbs. Only time will tell, I suppose.

    In general, being inside the car is a much more comfortable experience, albeit a boring one. It seems to me that the MX-5 has “grown up,” forgoing fun for comfort and practicality. And is that not exactly the opposite of the direction it should be moving? It was never meant to be an aggressive-looking performance car, and it will never do well as one. It will never be luxurious enough to be a true touring car, either.

    Its soul has made it the top-selling roadster of all time, and I’m afraid it’s losing it, bit by bit. To be honest, if you’re attracted by the values on which the original Miata was built, I would recommend a Subaru BRZ/Toyota GT 86/Scion FR-S. The recommendation does not come lightly or easily.

    Until Mazda gets wise about what it’s doing to the beloved little car, I’m afraid it’s headed down a path that will mean losing a grip on the niche it’s held for so long, and that’s quite saddening.

    A very hearty thanks to Mr. Perry Cunningham and Joe Machens Mitsubishi/Fiat.

  • The Future of Driving Passion

    I don’t have to tell you that we as a society are moving toward a life of total deprivation from our surroundings.  When thought about logically, one could blame it on the simple progression of technology.  Conveniences of the modern world have led us to believe that “make life easier” is synonymous with “make life better.”  In any other field of technology, this thinking may be inconsequential.  I’m not qualified to tell you that.  I can tell you, however, that convenience as the highest value of any automotive manufacturer will murder everything that makes driving wonderful. 

    There will always be gearheads, that much is certain.  Unfortunately, it takes a lot of completely uninterested individuals buying cars, building roads and making gasoline accessible to furnish the possibility of a happy car geek.  That has been a constant throughout history.  Take the 3-series BMW, for instance.  It’s been the standard for driving excellence in 4-door sedans for decades.  However, how many 3-series customers do you think were really interested in the driving experience whatsoever?  It’s all for image.  For the wall street crowd, it’s for fitting in.

    Again, do you think Gucci Mane was really interested in the driving experience of the 458 Italia he purchased?  He was the first individual to own one here in the United States.  I have listened to the mixtape he recorded with Waka Flocka about it.  I did not once hear any mention of the Ferrari’s passion, its intimate interface with the driver or how brilliantly it eats corners. In fact, most of what I heard was “BOW BOW BOW BOW.”

    It’s an unfortunate, but necessary fact of life.  The majority of wonderful cars will always be bought for the wrong reasons.  So what’s to stop manufacturers from filling the options list with immense amounts of gadgets and electronic wizardry to keep you on the road, whatever you do?  What’s to stop them from making completely autonomous cars?  That is what customers will want, isn’t it?  Isn’t it?

    Yes.  The public will want it.  Not in my generation, perhaps, but eventually they will.

    The conveniences will tempt us.  Sometimes, I would like more isolation from the road than my MX-5 provides.  Maybe a bit softer suspension.  But you know what? I won’t get it.  There’s no button I can push to make the world go away.  I have to deal with it.  I knew this when I bought it.  It’s why I bought it.

    As we become more isolated from the world, emotional attachment becomes less possible.  And what would driving be without love?

    Now, let’s be honest.  How many people have cried “death of the driver’s car” in the past two decades?  And we just had the Toyota 86/Scion FR-S/Subaru BRZ sell faster than anything else this summer in the U.S.  Not to mention Ford’s bold refusal to include an automatic option on the late Focus ST.  So what am I blabbing on about?

    The world is changing.


    Our lifestyle is in danger.


    Google will have us all driving (well, sitting in) autonomous Prius’s eventually.

    The key to the continuation of driving passion is this:  Manufacturers must make cars that cannot be ignored by their owners.  If the imperfections in automobiles remain, the love for them will as well.

    In half a century, who will stand for simplicity, communication and driving passion? Who will stand for integrity in design and the abolition of compromise based on “public opinion?”  I will be.  I hope you will be standing with me.

  • We’re back with AN HOUR OF MEANINGLESS, UNDIRECTED, UNINTELLIGENT conversation. You’re welcome.

  • Envious/Proud of this man.

  • Words cannot describe how much yes this man has brought into the world.

  • There’s a Ferrari F40 Berlinetta up for auction, but I’m not going to tell you where. It’s mine.
    Because I obviously have £250,000 to £300,000 lyin’ around.

  • 2014 Corvette Nomad
    (courtesy of Jalopnik.com)

  • Facebook Time

    Shitty blogs have a predictable, linear model of maturity.  This one has come to the point where it needs a Facebook page, so I expect all of you connoisseurs of shitty writing to go “Like” it.  

  • 2012 Hyundai Sonata Review

    Check out the behind-the-scenes vlog here

  • What have I been saying for the past year?! Damn, I must be a freakin’ genius.

  • Yes, I know Honda is just milking this guy for publicity, but this is yet another example of what our community is really about.

  • Would you be comfortable sharing the road with unmanned autonomous vehicles if they were deemed less prone to accidents than the average human driver? 

  • Volkswagen released the 2012 Beetle in the U.S. today, along with revealing this video of a paid actor acting as hand whore. 

  • V12 E-Type Jag ad in the August 1974 issue of Road & Track

  • Crimes Against Humanity in the Name of Innovation – The Nissan Juke-R

    Tuesday morning, as I was waiting for school to start, I was keeping up to date via a car news application on my iPhone.  As the timeline scrolled by, the words “Nissan Juke and GT-R” caught my eye.  Mindlessly, I tapped the title of the article and was brought to the header. (below)

    Of course, I immediately knew the implications of such a thing, but I initially attributed it to a simple prank in an attempt at the defense of my conscious mind. Though, after reasoning for a few seconds, I realized that April is still some 6 months away, and the management of Nissan is way too stupid to attempt humor.

    Oh shit.

    Pardon my bias, but you know an article is going to annihilate your weekly charisma with such a disgusting header.  Combining the freakish, ridiculous Juke with the soulless-yet-successful GT-R has to be on the same level as history’s greatest crimes against humanity.

    The question that seems to best define Nissan for me, personally is “Why?" 

    Why create the Cube?

    Why give it drum brakes?

    Why show a luxury coupe power-sliding around an urban area in a luxury television commercial? 

    Even without my ridiculous, unfounded disgust of the company, WHY on this Earth would you want to put the drivetrain of a top-selling rear-wheel-driven supercar into the hideous, disfigured body of a washout front-wheel-driven crossover?!

    Well, after returning to a somewhat reasonable state as the grief from the first sight of the logo subsided, I scrolled down to find the video embedded below.

    Episode 1 of "Let’s Build the Worst Thing We Can Come Up With”

    …and this Darren Cox fellow answered my question.

    “We’re a very innovative company, and we just like doing really crazy stuff like this.”

    I’m sorry…did I hear him right?  Did he just justify this thing in the name of “innovation?!”

    BULL SHIT 

    There is absolutely nothing new, beneficial, or inventive about the waste of valuable time and resources unfolding right in front of that camera’s lens. 

    “If you look at our history, there are many examples of Nissan engineers really driving forward the business.”

    Yes!  There are!  And every single one of them would collectively haul your ass back to a theology class.  Or maybe a psychology class.

    Just anywhere the chance exists that you’ll learn some damned morals!

    To sum it up, this is possibly the most pointless, disgusting thing Nissan has ever created, even surpassing the Cube.  Sure, it’s not going on sale.  And initially, you may question why you should care.  Well…you should care because Nissan is stupid.  They are gaining nothing from this.  It’s about as wild as goose chases get.  Millions of dollars and thousands of man hours are being poured into something that has no logical value whatsoever.  

    In this new video, I describe my reaction to discovering this thing.

  • New AB: The Worst Day of My Life (coping with the announcement of the Nissan Juke-R)

    Expect a complete description/article/tags some time later today.

  • Holy Andreas Fougner Supra

    Designer Andreas Fougner rendered his prediction of what a new Toyota Supra may look like.  Given that the last Supra to (most likely) powerslide out of a Toyota factory was a 2002 model, the massive fan base of the thing is in dire need of attention.

    I mean, what the hell else is worth drifting with?

    I can only pray that our hopes have not been falsely lifted this time.

  • Photos of the Annual OWCC Collector Car Show

    Every year, a bunch of old car geeks from the Old Wheels Collector Car Club of Columbia (of which I am a member,) roll their most prized possessions into the shitty parking lot of my high school. 

    Today’s show was the first I have attended as a member, although I didn’t actually enter any cars (because I have nothing but my daily driver.)

    I did get some photos, however. 

    Below is a sample, here is the link to the album on Flickr.

  • Kaleb, Jacob, and I travel to St. Louis and touch the carbon fiber wing on a Mazdaspeed RX-8….which doesn’t exist.  Look it up.

    Plus we found the 2012 Volkswagen Beetle, Touareg, and Jetta still wrapped up in a back lot.  

    IN THE U.S.

    Whoa.

  • This is what happens when a car geek tries to be romantic.  Yes, that is an auto classified ad.  Little hearts are cheaper than rose petals.  Deal.

  • Oh…you just HAPPENED to be here.

  • Kicks likes my Rally floor mats.

  • HAL Up

    After receiving the September issue of Motor Trend a few weeks ago, I was, naturally, elated at the cover.  The New Cars edition is always fun.  We see confirmed technologies and designs to be coming up rather than uncertain concepts.

    But the FIRST FREAKIN’ ARTICLE is Angus Mackenzie’s “Driver Down,” a piece discussing the future of automobiles and autonomous technology.  What?!  Not the greatest start, guys.  I can’t go into looking at the new models with a preconditioned depression.

    Everyone knows about Google’s forays into autonomous Prius’s moving about Southern California.  According to Mackenzie, they’ve covered more than 140,000 miles so far.


    Big whoop.  My truck has too.

    The reality is, this is the way the automotive industry is moving.  It’s a comfort to have someone feel the same way I do.  Although, after asking several of my friends what they thought (none being “car people” in the slightest,) none of them found the thought appealing.  Who really hates driving? 

    Oh wait…..

    I live in the Midwest, where L.A.-like traffic jams are rarely seen.  So I’m probably not one to talk.

    Still.  Driving is a wonderful experience.  Being the person I am, I cannot imagine wasting precious gas with hands on a burger rather than the steering wheel.

    In the article, Mackenzie discusses government mandate as the driving force behind companies producing autonomous cars.  Whether American automakers would actually put up with that is debatable, and the issue smells too political for me to discuss it.  What I’m concerned about is the implementation of completely autonomous cars. 

    I’m fairly familiar with most of the technology involved, and I would not consider it reliable enough (at this point,) to justify letting the driver sleep through an automated road trip. And I have serious doubts as to the general public being comfortable with that anyway.

    I, for one, enjoy being in complete control.  My vehicle of choice is a 20-year-old Toyota pickup.  No traction control, automatic transmission, power windows, power locks, self-locking hubs, or even anti-lock brakes.  And I prefer it that way.  There’s nothing between me and the road but some mechanical linkages.  Of course, that means there’s no electronics to save my ass when I inevitably screw up. 

  • Took one of the second row seats out of the 2011 Sienna. That’s right. Leg room. Bitch.

  • Ignorant Optimism

    Is it just me, or are we entering an amazing period in automotive design?  It seems that the internal combustion engine’s true potential has been realized.  We’ve got 2.0L 4-cylinders coming in compacts that make the same horsepower figures as V-8s in pony cars did 20 years ago.  Not to mention how much more efficient and environmentally friendly they are.  The new formula is light, fuel efficient, nimble, high revving, high quality, gorgeous, and dirt cheap vehicles.

    What’s not to like?

    Maybe every 17-year-old male feels like they’re participating in the greatest period yet in automotive history…(except those of you that were teens in the 80s.  I’m sorry.)

    It could be the “modernized retro” trend.  Pony cars, the 2012 VW Beetle, the Fiat 500, Star Trek, Batman, Bell bottoms….  All the greats are being brought back and sanded (figuratively in most cases, literally in some,) into curvy versions of the old stuff.

    I can’t help but be optimistic.  That’s probably from ignorance, but I’ll happily live in bliss knowing that there’s a good chance I’ll drive one of these.

    Reasons Why I’m Optimistic

    2012 Volkswagen Beetle

    -The new pony cars (mostly the stang out of pure favoritism.)

    Mk. VI Volkswagen Golf GTI (above)

    -America’s revival

    Chevrolet Sonic

    Ford Focus

    -Korea’s competition

    -No matter how hard they try, assholes still can’t wipe that adorable smile off of Mazda’s face. 🙂

    -Chrysler is ACTUALLY MAKING GOOD PRODUCTS

    Chevrolet Cruze (WHY CAN’T THEY SPELL IT CORRECTLY)

    -I can still find the time and gas money to write this here.

  • 2012 Toyota Tacoma Facelift

    Yeah, it may be bland, but everyone knows that my taste in cars is disgustingly bland. Food too. I just love shit.

    2012 Toyota Tacoma Facelift

  • I hate you Nissan.

  • So BMW is working with laser headlight technology. 1000 times brighter (sucks to be other drivers,) and more efficient.

  • D: Owww. My soul. Owww.

  • The Swedes were great at building cars
    for years.
    Designs were quirky, fun, and edgy. But
    Then all our Swedish car love turned to tears
    When SAAB’s finances got stabbed in the gut.

    Where now are our 9-3’s, 9-5’s, and all
    Those other wond’rous cars they have brought to us?
    Where will we find such driving joy this fall,
    When autumn leaves excuse our driving lust?

    If winter’s snows blanket our roads in white,
    And beg our hooning urge to dance and slide,
    What Swedish carriage will reflect the light
    That shines on snow thrown by throttle applied?

    Into that long good night our SAAB must go.
    And now the Swedes hang all hope on Volvo.

    Poetry mourning the current Swedish automaker tragedy.  (Source below.)
  • Because that’s all I take into account when looking at a car.

    So the stereotype is that women are bad drivers.  (which is bullshit, but men are men.)

    But women are also generally more responsible….

    Basically, that is just a godawful comment to have on any classified ad.

  • Oh yeah, I really want to buy a car from you. All you know is the year, make, and that it’s “extra nice.” Couldn’t you at least look on the back? I mean….even if you don’t know what the VIN tag is…the model is freakin’ everywhere.

  • Look what I found in my local auto classifieds.

  • 1976-1977 Honda Civic RS. 

    1st Generation Honda Civics are the coolest cars that exist.  No questions.

  • I love my Chilton repair manual.

  • Scion FR-S Concept

    I know too many news outlets have covered the new concept from Toyota and Subaru.

    That’s why I’m not adding to it, merely showing you what’s already there.  

    Autoblog got some pretty great pictures at New York 2011.

    If you’re interested, check out this gallery.

    The fact that we’ll see a gorgeous, light, and perfectly-balanced sport coupe from Toyota’s youth-oriented brand is cause for much excitement.  

    Maybe it’ll be affordable too?  That would be nice.

  • Fast Lane Daily’s Alex Roy and J.F. Musial discuss the current state of performance brands such as Mercedes-Benz AMG, BMW M, Mitsubishi EVO, etc…
    These guys know their stuff.

  • 7-19-2011 Infiniti Employs Masochists

    I did the “show” solo today and mainly talked about my vacation plans.  (By the time you’re reading this, I’m either chilling at the lake or dead.)

    Nah, actually I mainly talked about Infiniti’s recent changes in advertising.

  • Infiniti, I Love You, But it’s Time To See a Therapist

    Let’s take a minute and make sure that we’re being honest with ourselves.

    Hypothetically, if we asked United States citizens if they would rather have a relaxing trip to the spa or spend a day powersliding around urban areas, which would be more popular?

    (That was a rhetorical question, so shut up.)

    The former!  Obviously! 

    The truth is that the majority of people looking to buy a luxury sedan or coupe aren’t 17 year old males.

    You know what?  I like this explanation better: Infiniti’s ad department is full of masochists trying to intentionally jeopardize the future of their company and their jobs through almost parody-like advertising.

    Ok!  Now I’ll actually get to what I’m talking about.

    First, we see a couple doing the whole “spa” thing (which I obviously know nothing about as a 17-year-old heterosexual male) in a 2011 Lexus GS series.  Apparently this is a bad thing? 

    The GS is a luxury sedan, you know.  It’s supposed to be a comfortable experience.  What they’re doing actually looks appealing.  I’d do that if I had a GS series.  (Again, remembering that I like women.)

    And then…

    BAM!

    “I’m an Infiniti G series and I’m ANGRY!  Look at how much testosterone I have!  And how much rubber I can burn!  All in a populated urban area too!  YEAH!”

    Who’s your target audience Infiniti?!

    Who!?


    What kind of luxury car buyer would be drawn in by this shit?  No one!

    Except this guy, the only person cool enough to comment on this video.


    I think it’s time Infiniti’s employees see a therapist.

  • One of the many reasons I love Fast Lane Daily.

  • Don’t Watch This Vlog – 7-14-2011 Cockitude, Hats, Gucci Mane, Torque Converters

    Another vlog went up last night!

    I talk about the most recent stuff I’ve done on the blog, and show off my new BMW M Power hat. 

    You know me, always taking things to a whole new level of cock!

  • Automatics Suck

    Us drivers of cars with manual transmissions tend to look down on those who drive automatics.  It’s like an exclusive club.  Only the extremely talented, gorgeous-looking, and legendary athletes of yore are allowed in. 

    Well, that’s bullshit.  So those of you that know the “standard” can keep your mouths shut and bask in the quiet satisfaction that you’re saving the planet. 

    The truth is, for those of you that don’t know, driving “stick” is totally simple.  Once you understand the basic concepts of how the transmission and clutch work together, you can figure it out with no real instruction at all.  So with that in mind, I’d like to tell you that automatic transmissions just….suck.  Really.

     Mind you, I’m not talking about Dual-Clutch Transmissions, SMGs (Sequential Manual Gearboxes,) or any of that fancy stuff that has only recently become somewhat popular in the mainstream (affordable) auto market.  I’m talking about automatics with a torque converter, that magically inefficient device that has carried America’s laziness in driving for the last 50 years.

    Now before I go on, I suppose I owe you a technical explanation.  Let’s start with the basics.  First off, a transmission is the device that separates the engine from the wheels.  With both automatic and manual transmissions, “gears” are used to vary the ratio between the engine’s crankshaft and the drive shaft going to the wheels.  It’s essentially a buffer between the engine’s relative consistency and the inconsistent world that you drive in.

    But that’s not quite all there is.  
    Traditional transmissions require an interruption in power from the engine to shift these “gears,” and to come to a stop at a traffic light, in your driveway, or on the side of the highway to pick up a hooker.  In manuals, this is typically accomplished with a clutch, a device that could most simply be explained as two plates that are pressed together to couple, and brought apart to become independent.  A clutch is normally coupled, it’s when the clutch petal is pushed in that the plates separate, and the transmission is isolated from the engine.  Automatic transmissions use a type of fluid coupling to accomplish the same task, called a torque converter.  
    The advantage of the latter is that, when paired with an automatic transmission, the driver only requires one input to get the car moving and vary its velocity, and that is the accelerator pedal.  A manual transmission requires three inputs, on the other hand. (Accelerator pedal, clutch, and gearshift.)  In my mind, the torque converter has some huge disadvantages in a world where millions are spent to save 20 lbs. on one car design.  

    Have you ever noticed that cars equipped with manuals are usually noticeably more fuel efficient than their automatic counterparts?  Some of that could be attributed to the greater control that comes with manuals, but most of it is from the torque converter’s main design flaw.  A clutch can be completely disengaged and completely engaged.  So, with a healthy vehicle, there is 0% of the engine’s power moving to the transmission when the clutch pedal is depressed fully.  Likewise when the clutch pedal is allowed completely out, the clutch essentially becomes a shaft, and 100% of the engine’s power is being fed to the transmission.

    A torque converter couples via fluid, however, meaning there is never a solid mechanical connection between the engine and the transmission.  (Unless the transmission is equipped with a lock-up clutch, which is essentially a clutch that locks the torque converter mechanically when it is no longer required to dump the engine’s energy into friction.  These are becoming more and more common, but the majority of vehicles on the road are missing them.)  This means that a traditional torque converter is never 100% efficient

    Also, a torque converter is never completely disengaged.  When sitting at a traffic light, the driver typically lightly applies the brakes to hold the car from moving forward.  Have you ever considered what you’re doing?  The engine is basically dumping energy into the torque converter in the form of friction.  It is literally no different from holding the gas and the brakes at the same time. 

    What the hell?  How is that accepted in a world where Al Gore and Prius’s exist?

    Oh wait!  As United States citizens, we’re lazy as shit!

    84% of cars sold in North America are equipped with an automatic transmission, as opposed to 20% in Europe.

    You could make the excuse that we love automatics because of all our stop-and-go traffic, and yet, as a citizen of the Midwestern U.S, I see automatics MUCH more often than I see traffic congestion.  

    The real answer is that we just don’t want to bother with a clutch pedal and a gearshift when we could be texting or doing makeup.

    Luckily, the great minds of our time have come up with solutions that adapt to us so that we don’t have to adapt to them. (As always.)  Probably the simplest is the aforementioned “lock-up clutch,” which eliminates the inefficiency of the torque converter by mechanically coupling at high speed.  But that doesn’t exactly solve the problem of sitting over a nice gas to friction converter at traffic lights.  
    Well here’s a tip.  When you stop at a traffic light, bump your shift lever one up into neutral.  It shouldn’t require that you hold a safety button to go back and forth between Drive and Neutral.  This prevents that unnecessary friction.  Combine that with a lockup clutch, and you’re basically driving a manual!……Except without the enjoyment.

    You could call this a rant on one of the most successful inventions the modern automobile has ever seen….because it is.  And I doubt you’ll hear anyone else complain about it.  But there really are flaws in the design that I wish consumers would figure out.  Before all this hybridism, eco-mindedness, and hippie-crazed green malarkey, maybe we should eliminate the evil energy-wasting beast that is the torque converter. 

  • Cock Party – 1st Annual BMW M Festival

    Yes, I’d love to go.  Yes, I am a tremendous douchebag.


    Despite it having the greatest gel/hair ratio in Europe, the 1st Annual BMW M Festival actually looked….fun?

    This kind of stuff is exactly what being a gearhead is all about; appreciating the people through our common interest.  Even if the people are all massive cocks.

  • The Chrysler Youth-Powered Comeback

    All too often, I talk about the importance of a car manufacturer’s attitude toward its customers.  Well…when it’s said like that, it seems pretty obvious.

    In these discussions, I usually group car makers into one of two groups; those who put as little effort/money into their product and then try to get the maximum amount of profit from it, and those who put in as much effort/money into the quality of each product as they can afford.  It appears that the latter always incurs a better outcome for both the producer and the customer.

    The recent past has been absolute hell for our own domestic Detroit monkeys.  It was hopeless!  Their misunderstanding seemed never ending.

    Hopeless to everyone but Kaleb, that is.  He believes that “chicks dig Taurus’s.”

    Most of my information came from “Chrysler’s Comeback,” an article written by Angus Mackenzie in the February 2011 edition of Motor Trend Magazine.  As usual, top quality stuff.  You should check it out.

    I agree with Mackenzie in his opinion that it’s Chrysler’s new management carrying the bacon and bringing new hope.  Quotes like this one practically give me goosebumps;

    “If you take a Chrysler and make it fun to drive, with European handling and absolutely over-the-top quality, you easily get a Lancia.  Which is good news for the American consumer, by the way.”

    No kidding.

    That one comes from Oliver Francois, the CEO of both Chrysler and Lancia.

    Conveniently, he couldn’t have reinforced my opinions on “attitude” in a more direct way.  Mackenzie seems to attribute these changes to the new management’s relative youth compared with their predecessors.

    I think my sister’s 90s Dodge Grand Caravan stranding us both several times as a toddler has caused an evolutionary process to occur in my body, in which all Chrysler products immediately bring distaste.

    “Hot, yes.  But not a suitable mate.  I have a gut feeling that it may leave me to fend for myself against the highway predators in the near future.”

    Or, is it really just me?  “Dodge” is practically damning when used around most of my friends.  Is the media the root cause of that?  Well….that’s a discussion for another time.

    My point is that fresh people tend to bring fresh ideas, and it seems that Detroit’s favorite wimpy kid is bringing it to the bullies with some great ideas from middle-aged men.

  • Gucci Mane Has a Ferrari 458 Italia

    Why world?  Why god?  

    WHY?

    I literally cried/screamed at the sight of Gucci Mane getting into the drivers seat.

    I’m never leaving my house again.

  • New DWTV For 7-5-2011

    I talk about editing, Eric Bana’s documentary (link,) Mad Max, and “unhindered creativity” on YouTube.

  • The Nissan Cube Has Drum Brakes

    Last Friday, Kaleb and I vlogged some around town before visiting our local Nissan dealership to talk about the Cube.  It has rear drum brakes, which probably bothered me more than it should have. (It actually gave me goosebumps.)  Regardless, this video can’t be described as total bashing because Kaleb actually likes Mini MPVs, including the Cube and the Scion xD.

  • Aztek Day

    The weekly holiday celebrating the greatest vehicle of all time.

    Who says I don’t have great ideas?

    Yeah, I’m being sarcastic.  As this article in Time Magazine puts it, the Aztek literally looks like something “dogs would bark at.”

    I’ve decided that every Wednesday is officially Aztek day.  Use the hashtag #AztekDay on Twitter and voice whatever opinions/stories you have to share.

    Car Domain is a social network for car/mod nerds.  I decided to search for modded Azteks, and this is what I’ve found.  It’s a heavily pimped Aztek nicknamed “Short Bus.”

    This guy is definitely going on my list of favorite people that have ever existed.  

  • Early Morning Drive

    Today, I was fortunate enough to be up at 5AM.  I took my daily driver through my favorite local 10 minute route to witness the sunrise.  Which really wasn’t all that great because it was overcast.  Still, the drive was gorgeous.  I caught a few photos and put them up on the TAB Flickr

  • Don’t do it!  I vlogged yesterday, and said essentially nothing like always.

  • FWD Renault around Nürburgring

    Apparently this is a thing?  French dudes getting hot little FWD French hatchbacks around the Nürburgring fast enough to shame an NSX?

    “Is someone going to change my diaper, or what?”

    Laurent Hurgon is now the fastest man to drive a fratmobile around the hellish track, submitting a time of 8:08 in a Mégane Renaultsport 265 Trophy.  In other words, that is the new record for a front-wheel-drive car around the track, with the previous record being 8:17 (also set by a Renault.)

    The fastest a Honda NSX Type-R has ever made it ‘round is 8:09….

    But anyway!

    The Trophy is powered by a 2.0 Liter turbocharged inline-four, producing 265 hp. and 265 lb-ft. of torque. 

    Side note:  Where in the hell did they get that name from?

    The car tips the scales at 2909 pounds, and manages 0-60 km/hr. in 6 seconds flat.

    I should probably explain that all my kidding is unnecessary.  The time is amazing, and any old blogger would have to admit the Renault is quick.  But I’ve never been the biggest fan of building cars JUST to set times around a 13 mile track, even if they are supposedly “factory spec.”

    The French car with the complicated French name (left) next to a 2011 Honda CRZ (right.)  Maybe I’m just blind? (No Nickelback references.) Or stupid?  I still say the CRZ is more attractive though.  At least it won’t smell all the time.

  • Michael Bay Rapes Chevrolet – Boosts Camaro Sales

    Well, ladies and gentlemen, my week has once again been ruined.  I was doing so well, what with finding out that Jeremy Clarkson plays Gran Turismo and likes the Honda NSX.

    And then I saw this.

    No, don’t doubt yourself, that is THE worst thing you have ever seen.  It’s the 2012 Chevrolet Camaro Transformers 3 Special Edition.  

    Although I have yet to confirm it, (because frankly, I don’t give a shit,) it is believed that the appearance of the Camaro in Bay’s bullshit franchise has boosted its sales beyond that of the 2010 Ford Mustang.  Which is complete cock.  The Mustang is so much more car.  Coming within an eye’s blink of coming even with a BMW M3 around Leguna Seca is a huge feat.  That event changed the public’s perspective of modern American cars.

    And you could say that for this Camaro, too.  Except Europe’s thoughts of “damn, something good actually came out of America” have now been replaced with something to the tune of “Oh my god, why did we fight for THAT?”

    So there you go, all you intelligent people had better be facepalming all the way down to your Ford dealership to pick up a real car.  Or hell, I don’t care which dealership.   Just stay away from Chevrolet and Transformers 3.

    (And don’t give me shit about you not being intelligent either.  You’re reading my blog, so obviously you are.) 

  • Jeremy Clarkson Plays Gran Turismo! (and enjoys NSEX)

    It turns out that Top Gear’s Jeremy Clarkson, one of my favorite people on Earth, actually plays Gran Turismo (the best driving simulator on Earth,) and actually likes the Honda/Acura NSX (by far the greatest automobile ever driven on this Earth.) 

    So essentially, unless you’re an extra-terrestrial, this is about as good as things get.

    In the video, he’s shown driving a standard (non-Type-R) NSX around Leguna Seca in Gran Turismo 4.  After setting a lap time, he proceeds to travel to the actual track in California, and shows us what the situation (real car included,) would be like in real life.

    The fact that he too loves the angelic grinding noise that the NSX’s V6 makes at 7000 rpm, and that he plays a game that has been one of my great loves made my week.

  • Holy shit.  I swear this car is cooler than cool.  And this video is a summary of my life.  Even though it’s not.  Because it has nothing to do with me.  But it’s still cool.  Except I don’t understand the sliding in a front-wheel-drive car.  But it’s still cool!

  • I Wouldn’t Watch This

    Our friend Joe joins Kaleb and I for an afternoon of swimming, fast food, and shitty uninformed opinions.  I drive Kaleb around in his 2004 Toyota Corolla S, and he goes into cardiac arrest at 15 mph.  First thoughts on the GRMN Concept II.  Oh!  And we figured out what the “S” badge really means on the Corolla.

  • Yeah, I know what you’re thinking.  Haha they did funny stuff and stuff in this commercial.  Well I don’t care what you say, the Accord Crosstour is cool.  Well I guess I sort of care about what you say, but only if it’s directly or indirectly agreeing with my opinion.  The commercial, however, is uncool.  Really uncool.  I really hate the idea of listing what the product isn’t, rather than what it is.  But hey!  Hondas are totally nontraditional, right?  We’re thinking outside of the box!  Appealing to those liberal college students that make up the majority of Honda customers!  Well that’s all bullshit.  But 270 horsepower in a better-looking-than-any-wagon-ever wagon is pretty fuckin’ awesome.  Oh and it also has Honda’s hydraulic 4-wheel-drive system, which I’m clearly in love with.

  • Although I’m not all that interested in the new 1 series M Coupe (which is supposedly the subject of this video,) Jason Cammisa makes some interesting points about the M3 (which I am interested in,) that I have wanted to say for a very long time. 

  • Whipping It Out – The CRZ, Acura RL/TL, SHAWD, Angry Dashboards, Looking Up Fender Skirts

    Kaleb (@that_PHat_MAN) and I visit a local Honda dealership and share some opinions about the CRZ, the new “Sport Hybrid Hatchback."  Turns out, it’s actually pretty awesome.  In fact, both of us would have sexual intercourse with it.  Which is a good thing.

  • The New Adventures of Old GM

    As with many car nerds, I’m a frequent reader of Automobile magazine.  I believe that it is generally the most unbiased source of information on the finer points of the automotive industry, as well as many other things.  A favorite writer of mine is Ezra Dyer.  In the July 2011 issue, Ezra wrote a very interesting article entitled The New Adventures of Old GM for his monthly section “Dyer Consequences."  Although I don’t necessarily know (or care) much about the automotive industry, this article provided some interesting metaphorical insight into the situation of General Motors.

    Read it!

    (plz)

    (And now for the digression into something totally unrelated.)

    Now is it just me, or have all consumer-level auto manufacturers become basically the same in the last 5 years?  The new cars I examine/read about have subtle differences in styling, purpose, etc. but they all seem to basically head in the same direction depending on target audience.  I realize that cars have always been a commercial product, but it seems even more so now. 

    It seems to me that the attitude behind production has changed.  Rather than having the mindset of "let’s see how little we can put into this car for as much money as possible,” to “let’s see how much win we can cram into this product for as little money as possible.”

    This is a good change, no?

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